Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
