ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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