I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
