dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
