Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
