I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
