Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
