Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
