Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
