Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
