Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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