Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
