So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
