the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
