do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
