I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
