tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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