She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I enjoy the company of your penis
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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