i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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