I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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