I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well I just put wine in my tea
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
