It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
