my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
