Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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