so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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