All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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