I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
