he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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