if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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