we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
