Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
