it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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