so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
