I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
