i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
