3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
