dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
