hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
