you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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