Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
