Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm always down for nudity.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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