i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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