Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
