so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
