why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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