conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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