ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
