Swine flu. Run for my life!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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