the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
