We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
