i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
