i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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